Smut for Women

A few good smutty jokes for women...

A husband comes home early and finds his wife in bed with another man. "Who the hell is this?" he demands.
"Good question," answers the wife. "Say, fella, what's your name?"

A husband and wife go to the fairground. She wants to go on the ferris wheel but he's too scared so she goes on it by herself. The wheel goes around and around and suddenly the woman is thrown out and lands in a heap at her husband's feet. "Are you hurt?" he asks.
"Of course I'm hurt," she replies. "Three times round and you didn't wave once!"

One evening a husband comes home to his apartment very roughed up. When his wife sees him he asks, "What happened to you?"
"I got into a fight with the apartment manager."
"What for?"
"He said he had slept with every woman in the building except for one."
"Hmmm," says the wife. "I'll bet it's that snooty Mrs Green on the third floor."

Two women were walking down the street. One said to the other, "There's my husband coming out of the florist with a dozen roses. Damn! That means I'm going to have to keep my legs up in the air for three days."
"Well, why don't you just get a vase?"

What do you give to a man who has everything?
A woman to show him how to work it.

What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

How can you tell if a man is sexually excited?
He's breathing.

A man parked his car in a supermarket carpark and was walking past an empty trolley when he heard a woman ask, "Mister, are you using that cart?"
"No," he answered. "I'm only after one thing."
As he walked away, she murmured, "Typical male."

What's 12 inches long and white?

What's the definition of an orgy?
A party where everyone comes.

And now... the ultimate bawdy joke for women...

A woman walks into a sex shop and says, "I want to buy a vibrator." The owner waggles a finger and says "OK, come this way."
"If I could come that way I wouldn't need a vibrator."

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